I'm excited to be alone. I want to be by myself. I don't want to answer my phone and I don't want to text and I don't want to make plans or talk to anyone. I want to sit at the piano for hours and play Moonlight Sonata. I want to listen to acoustic songs for days and learn the vocal harmonies. I want to watch three hundred movies. I want to read books upon books and I want to sketch and write and think. I think I have some thinking to do. I'd like to set aside some time for pensive turnovers. If I think hard enough about everything in my life, then maybe I'll come to a clear conclusion about what I want from it, or maybe I'll just whisper myself into desperation.
A solid break. An existential pondering? Just a stand-still--that's what I really need. A break from living my life so I can think about it a little.
Then I'll come back and change things like complacency and boredom and routine. And maybe I'll think so much that I can stop for a little while, stop overanalyzing, stop overreacting, and stop panicking a little bit. I want to stop thinking with too little time to think with all the time in the world.
I just want to be rid of poisonous ennui. I'm just too tired to know if I'm happy where I am.
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Just a collection of ruminations and observations that don't claim to be right or true. Also, figured I should have a reference point if I'm trying to write for a living. Less personal than a journal and less polished than an essay collection.
I had a few things to say, and no one to say them to.
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