things that are true

I think you take naps with finesse and
When your teeth click in your dreams I imagine you're eating
Something absolutely delicious.
Your vocabulary impresses me
And your memory
Selective as it is
Is quite astounding too.
You have bizarre theories
About bodies and people
And you like girls
A lot.
You don't like admitting when you're wrong
But you like being challenged.
I think you're a little mysterious
And you hold back a lot from me.
But that's okay, I don't really mind.
I like telling secrets in the dark with you
And I like cooking with you
Even though you won't let me do much
Wise; I cut my thumb wide open when slicing a pepper, and I'm
Klutzy with onions.
You say you're proud of me and I can't imagine why but
I'm glad.
And one time you told me you wanted to memorize me
And that you'd gotten my hands down pretty well.
Your hair looks funny when you wake up in the morning
And your forehead has indents in it because you sit around
With your eyebrows raised
Quizzical of the world.

you are not intelligent. you are not post-postmodern. you just suck.

Modern art is a horrendous exercise in self-importance. Yes. Yes, that it what I wrote. That is absolutely what I believe. Not enough people say it. This is because we are intimidated by conceptual art. It makes us nervous. We see the lone chair, or the wrinkled paper, or the cheese grater. We panic. What does a cut up piece of rope mean and why is it in a museum? I must not get it, we think to ourselves. But wait. Wait. The artist has so kindly included a statement.

"This work, which I call "Dirty Small Piece of Rope," signifies our increasing disconnect from humanity in this technological world. The rope, representative of ancient strength and fortitude, has been cut to signify its unimportance as we move into the Age of the iPod. It is now only a reminder of the way the world used to be, simple and straightforward--the rope that ties to our former identity as a people has been destroyed, never to be functional again."

Oh, is that what it meant? That's funny, I thought it was just a dirty small piece of rope. I never knew it could have so many complex implications. But that...wow. That's...thats deep. I mean, it sounds good doesn't it? And we all want to be thought of as intelligent, cultured people, and so we accept these ready-made explanations of this "art." We have become afraid of voicing, or even thinking, our own opinions.  In this exchange, we give up our own creativity and imagination. This is gross. This is beyond gross. Why should I let this schmuck tell me that a used tampon should represent woman's fear of menopause?

Fuck that. I call bullshit on the tampon, the rope, the chair, the cheese grater, the piece of paper, and all of this other shit that you found in your house. It means nothing to me. It means nothing to anyone, except no one will ever say that. Which is irritating and sad.

And for the record Jeff Koons, three basketballs floating in a tank of water is also really not art, and also do not represent "death, the ultimate state of being." It is just a representation of your extreme suckage.