Standing by friendship

I'm about to step back a little from my last post. But this is something I've been thinking about for a while.

I watched Stand By Me with my roommate last weekend. Forget what you heard about Now and Then, or The Sandlot. Stand By Me is what those movies tried to be, but couldn't quite get right. It's funny, and goofy, and incredibly poignant at parts. This was the second time I saw it, and I appreciated it even more than I had before. And this time it really struck something in me. Because God, this is a movie about friendship at its purest level. Because, under all the complexities and hardships of growing up, their bond is simple. It's about loyalty, and sticking up for your friends, and being there, always being there. Even for only in that moment. It's about sharing ridiculous shit with your friends, and busting balls, and taking a punch so they don't have to. And the best part of this movie is that, for all of it's sentimentality and nostalgia, it doesn't feel maudlin. I'm not rolling my eyes whenever I see the funny facade fall, and deeper emotion come through. And I think part of that is because it's about boys.

There's a vast difference between the ways girls at age 12 interact with each other and boys at age 12 interact with each other. Ask any girl why she hated seventh grade and she'll probably tell you its because the pretty girls tormented her, or her "friends" ditched her or spread rumors about her. Ask any guy why he hated seventh grade, and he'll probably tell you its because he wasn't athletic, or girls didn't dig him, or some tough guy beat him up a few times. But I doubt he'll cite his friends turning on him. Because for whatever reason, boys don't operate that way. Boys are about loyalty, and fuck the rest because usually your friends are for real. Girls are about security, so fuck the rest because if being popular means leaving your friends then that's what it's gonna have to be. This isn't always true, obviously. I'm just saying that its so much more common in girls to not have stable friendships.

So while watching Stand By Me, I started thinking about that. And when River Phoenix starts crying, and saying that he wishes he could go somewhere where no one knows him, and Wil Wheaton comforts him, it didn't feel contrived. I saw something really genuine and true in that moment, and in that friendship.

And I just got kind of bummed that I never got to be a 12 year old boy. That sounds crazy, but those four guys just looked like they were seriously enjoying life with their best friends. And whatever else they had worrying them, there was no question of loyalty or love. And they didn't have to talk about it, or reaffirm it. They just knew.